i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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