dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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