theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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