i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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