Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Randomize
