I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
