did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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