you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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