Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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