I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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