my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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