Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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