fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
