I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Randomize
