why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
