I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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