You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
This is the high leading the old right now
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
