i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
