I am spending my child support on dildos
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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