I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
