rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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