I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
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Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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