Define "chronic" masturbator.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
