whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
