Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
