What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
