apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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