Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My penis needs a shock collar
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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