My nipple is on Facebook.
i permit you to call me
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
