So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
