I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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