So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
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