So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
