Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
