Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
