So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
