I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
