His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
