My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize