Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
