Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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