I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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