please come you make the beer taste better
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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