thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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