I faked an abortion last night.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
