you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize