i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
