Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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