OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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