This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
