i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
