ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Don't EVER smell your tampon
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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