We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize
