I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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