it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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