Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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