I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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