There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
