Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
you inspire me to be a worse person
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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