Having a random hookup so left but love u
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
