she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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