i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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