I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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