now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
