She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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