the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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