I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
