oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
