how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
