Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It's shark week go big or go home
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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