So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I think your dad took our porno
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
