i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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