I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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