and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
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