you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
