i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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