We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
