All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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