Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
