I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
