Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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