the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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