im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
