At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
