Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
you had me at cake vodka
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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