Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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